ReadySetMom

Maternity leave: how long, when to take it & the after effects

When I became pregnant with my first child, I checked the maternity leave policy at the small PR firm where I worked before I told my boss. Twelve weeks, unpaid. After I told my boss about the pregnancy, he immediately told the office manager to change the leave policy to six weeks unpaid. Wha? I ultimately fought back and got my twelve weeks, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth and completely degraded the respect I once felt for him. He was within his rights since small companies (with less than 25 employees) are exempt from the Oregon Family Leave Act, but it was still a slimy thing to do. (Suffice it to say, when I left the firm two years later and the biggest client followed along with me, I didn't feel terribly guilty.)

My plan had been to work up until 8 days before my due date. But, surprise, surprise, my daughter arrived early and I had only 3 days of 'me' time before she arrived. (However, in typical nesting fashion, I managed to decorate the entire nursery in those three days.) It would have been nice to have had a little more time, particularly since I'd planned to shop for a day care center during that week. But I loved having the time to recuperate and adjust to parenthood during those early weeks, especially after my husband went back to work.

When I returned to work, I resumed all of my former responsibilities and took on new clients. Because we were a small firm, I didn't suffer any loss of stature that the women who are suing New York's Bloomberg LP experienced. In that case, women were demoted and their pay cut after disclosing their pregnancies. It's hard to imagine that this kind of thing still goes on in today's workplace (though given the recent fight to pump breast milk in the workplace, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that working mothers still aren't playing on a level field with men and childless women.)

Did you experience any employer backlash after disclosing your pregnancy or returning from maternity leave? How long was your leave, and was it paid or unpaid? Did you feel you took enough time off before you gave birth, or were you happy to have more time with the baby?

Yoga for moms and babies

A postcard with a photo of a baby in downward-facing dog position caught my eye yesterday at the Hillsdale Library, so I just had to check it out. It's called Itsy Bitsy Yoga and is being offered by SW prenatal massage therapist and yoga instructor Vittoria Palazzi. There's also a book. According to the Itsy Bitsy Yoga Web site, the poses and techniques will help you and your baby relax, improve baby's digestion, help baby sleep longer and better and calm a fussy baby almost immediately. All of this sounds very, very good. But how do you get a baby to cooperate? The instructor must have magical powers.

Palazzi also offers pre- and postnatal yoga for women, hypnobirthing classes, prenatal and infant massage as well as massage for women of any age. I practiced yoga for a couple of years in my 20's and I can honestly say that I was the least stressed I've ever been during those years. If I were to have a third child -- and I'm not if I can help it -- I would probably do yoga 12 hours a day. Palazzi's studio is on SW 55th, just down from the SW Community Center and her number is 971-506-6789.

Did you use a doula?

Sherry is pregnant and is starting to think about delivery day:

Hi. I'm going to have my first baby this fall and yes I'm getting a little nervous. I've started hearing more and more about doulas and wondered if anyone has ever used one for labor support and if they can recommend someone. I want to try to have a natural child birth, and just feel like my husband and I will need the coaching and support. I am delivering at St. Vincent's. I guess that's another question -- is it necessary to have a doula if you're delivering at a hospital? Thanks for any advice!

I had a doula for my first birth, Lisa Benitez, who I l really liked but have since heard she's moved to the East Coast. It seems like this town is bursting with doulas, so hopefully you can get some good recommendations here. I, too, delivered at St. Vincent's and had hoped to have a natural childbirth -- ultimately my labor was lightening fast, and there wasn't really time for "labor support" much less the use of drugs. However, I would recommend using a doula for your first birth even if you end up having an epidural. Doulas not only provide support during labor, but they are also your advocate. In the throes of labor you sometimes have to make difficult decisions, and having a third party to talk you through those decisions will help you feel less anxious or helpless. We'd met with Lisa a few times before to make out a birth plan and talk about what we *hoped* for the delivery. I never felt like I was expected to go through with natural delivery -- that having an epidural was always a choice. I felt so much more at ease in the days before my delivery knowing that Lisa would be there to help my husband and I through the whole process.

Did anyone else use a doula? What were your experiences, and can you recommend one?