ReadySetMom

Looking for some guidance on the topic of divorce

Last week, my son told me that a friend's parents are getting a divorce. I don't know the parents well, so I was shocked and asked some followup questions to make sure he had his information straight.

Yes, he said, it was true, and his friend, David (not his real name), was really excited because his dad was moving to a new house with a cool attic. David didn't seem upset about the divorce at all, according to my son.

This gave me a good opportunity to talk with my son about divorce and what David might be feeling, even if he wasn't showing it.

My 9-year-old has several close friends who are in blended families, but being around a friend in the midst of divorce is a new experience to him. He asked me several questions -- the kind that are hard to answer whether or not you know the circumstances: Why are David's parents getting a divorce? Where will David and his sister live? Will they still be a family?

We've invited David over for a playdate next week. Part of me wants to prepare my son somewhat so he is sensitive to what David might be going through. On the other hand, maybe what David needs right now is something "normal" in his life, like a run-of-the-mill playdate with a friend. I don't want to inadvertently inject any awkwardness into the situation.

If you've been through this, what did you tell your child? If you were a child of divorcing parents, what did you find helpful in your life?

Why is this woman smiling?

Because she is going away with her husband for two nights without her children, to the coast, where it will probably be rainy and cold, but she doesn't care because she will be responsible for nothing except her own happiness (and maybe that of her husband's, but to a lesser extent). Just thinking about this mini vacation makes me feel like I've already had it. I'm relaxed. The wrinkle on the bridge of my nose between my eyes has softened. I can already smell the salt air and feel the chill of ocean breezes on my skin, because inevitably I will have packed the wrong clothes. It's all good.

My kids can't wait for us to leave because they get to have their very first sleepover at their bestest friends' house (with Renee's girls). I know they will be in good hands (though Renee may need a vacation after this weekend). (And robbers, a pistol-packing linebacker is house-sitting for us, so don't even think about it.)

My husband and I need this excursion. We received a gift certificate for a coastal hotel ages ago and finally asked the question, "If not now, when? If not us, who?" After 10 years of togetherness, we're looking to light a match under this relationship. There will be lots of this. (I hope.) Long walks will help us get some of that. We're going to eat well, drink well and go see a movie (Iron Man) because apparently we have to leave town in order to actually schedule a movie date. It's all good.

A good friend and her husband who've been together 20 years (!) are taking a similar trip next weekend. We sat over glasses of Pinot the other night, exchanging thoughts on the challenges of keeping a marriage interesting. You've got to get away every once in awhile, even just for one night, so you can just focus on yourselves. Not have to worrry about kids bursting into your bedroom at inopportune moments. Not have to worry about getting home by 11 to relieve the sitter. Not have to think about what to fix for dinner or how to entertain the troops for a weekend. Just be. Together. Rekindling a romance. (Wish us luck!)

Yawn. So how's YOUR sex life?

Doodidoo. Dumdeedah. Not much happening around here.

I went and got that much-debated Mirena IUD a few weeks ago (and so far so good), and I was all, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna get me some of that crazy-lovin'-bedroom-acrobatics-peel-me-off-the-ceiling action. It's going to be so great! We're totally gonna to kick this marriage up a few notches." Doodidoo. Yawn. Turns out the only action I'm getting is watching Kristi Yamaguchi maniacally whip around the dance floor. (And don't you think she kind of has an unfair advantage, what with all that ice skating hoo-ha?)

It's not like we don't want to have the sex. I mean, who doesn't want to have the sex? We're healthy, vibrant, semi-attractive middle-aged people -- we should be having lots of it, yeah? Sometimes we insinuate that sex will occur in the near future: someone raises an eyebrow and gives the ol' You. Me. groin-pump motion. Never happens. We're both pretty beat at the end of the day. It sounds like a lot of work. And when I do want it it's usually around 10 or 11am, but he's at work, and on the weekends we've got those darn kids to deal with. What's a stay-at-home mom to do?

When do you find time to schedule a little hanky-panky? How do you bring back that lovin' feeling? Saran Wrap? French maid costume? Studded collar? A weekend at the coast? (though Saran Wrap would be cheaper) Oh, where's a less-smarmy version of Dr. Phil when you need one?