Saying "yes" to kids when it feels like all you ever say is "no"

Does it ever feel like all you ever say to your kids is "no"? It does in our house...

• Can I fly by myself to Hawaii to visit grandma? No.
• Can I paint my fingernails? No.
• Can I have a sleepover? No.
• Can I have two cookies after dinner? No.
• Can I sleep in your bed tonight, mom? No, absolutely not! No!

So without a lot of forethought, I said "yes" to my 6-year-old daughter the other day. She asked:

"Mom, can I get my own library card?"

You should know that books are about #3 on my list of "Best Things in Life" after my kids and husband. I have a picture of the Gutenburg Press in my office. If I'm not reading a book at any given time I start to go slowly insane. Hopefully you get the idea.

My daughter seems to love reading too. Kindergarten is working its magic. Letter recognition, phonics, memorization of passages, reading to them constantly -- all of the pre-literacy skills are setting this kid's brain on fire, and by golly, she is starting to read! It's fantastic. It's that same bursting-with-pride feeling like when they take their first baby steps. It's as if this one brilliant child -- my child! -- has invented reading itself!! That's the excitement I feel.

So I cut her a deal on getting the library card. She got it under the following conditions:

• She is responsible for writing down on the calendar when her books are due.
• She is responsible for finding them and remembering to return them on time.
• She is responsible for paying the overdue fines (via her piggy bank) should said books not get returned in time.

Her first two books are still checked out. I'll report back to let you know whether this worked or not. How old were your kids when the got their first library card? How did they handle the responsibility? Any tips to share?

Oh and I did recently tell her she could attend her first sleepover. It's scheduled for April. I'm really not sure what I was thinking when I said "yes" on that. But that's a whole other post of its own...

Comments

[Julie]

My boys, ages 5 and 7 got their library cards a year ago. I was against it, because like you, our family loves books and we have over 100 checked out at any one time. But with this nifty tool (see below), we keep track of the entire family's list of checked out books to avoid fines and get books returned (or renewed) on time. And it gives my second grader a sense of confidence and autonomy to use the catalog and put books on hold with his own card. The "hold ready" email notification goes to his own email (with forwarding set up to go to his dad's).

http://www.libraryelf.com/

--Julie

[Hope]

Gage got his library card during the summer reading program last year (he was 4). And it's been really great. He has figured out that on the backs of books there can be other books listed by the same author so he asks me to put some of them on hold for him. But I keep track of due dates (thank you library for the email reminders!). And when they come due, I ask if he's done with each book, and if not, I renew it. And I keep the library card. He's not quite 5 yet so I know he's not ready for any of those responsibilities. But he is learning how to use the library and enjoys reading.

[lilah]

E got his first card at 3.5yrs, he is 6 now. He needed it for a little camp he attended. He kept it his backpack the whole time and still does. It is very precious to him and we have never had problems finding it. I keep track of when the books go back and how many books are checked out. Maybe when he is older and can actually tell that the days are racing by I will have him keep track. Right now I feel like he is doing his part by remembering his homework, feeding the cats, and brushing his teeth without a fight. We haven't had problems with late fees because every time we go to the library, we bring the books back.

[Amy]

I signed up our 3-year-old last summer as part of the summer reading program, but he kept losing the card, so I have it now. He will get it back when he can keep track of things better, which I figure will be around, oh, 15. (That's just my kid, not a reflection on all 3-year-olds!)

When I was in fourth grade, we moved to a new town and I went to the library for the first time with a friend whose mom just dropped us off (ah, the '70s). We then discovered that I couldn't check out books because my parents weren't with me, so I had no one to co-sign my application for a card. I wanted some books so much that I agreed when my friend suggested I forge my dad's signature. We told the librarian that we had found my dad outside. I don't know if she believed us, but she gave me a card. She probably figured that if I wanted one that badly ...